"I thought We could have more time!"

Still remember this reminiscence of 2012? This is the most impactful line that I had encountered throughout my life! Seriously, I don't really get touched when I read John 3:16, but I was moved by this line. (I don't really get the part of non-Christian being moved by John 3:16 in every drama starring by most of the Fellowship in Sibu Church. No offence but it is very weird for a person who gets education to have never heard of the name Jesus Christ)

I think our daily livings lie on this basic: We thought We could have more time. Procrastination, escapism, alcoholism and so on. We always thought we could have more time, we could be given more time, and because of this assumption, we tend to postpone what's more important to us.

The moment I get the book of life "我的生命手册", I planned to use my time wisely and efficiently. The book has 10 columns, and I thought that the game lasted for 1o columns. (only those who had participated in Lifegame know what I am talking about :p) I thought the judgment day was on the forth day, which is the last day of our life game. I really have the perception that I have enough time to get baptized in the game and get myself into the heaven.

In fact, I didn't, and I couldn't.

Everything turns out to be unexpected. The judgment day fell right on the 3rd day, and we are only at the 7th columns in the book of life. All my money, my reputation, my everything was turned into ashes.

I was given a chance. I knew the true location of the church which can get myself into the heaven right in the early morning. However, due to insufficient money to pay my debt, I was real hooked by my job. I kept selling and earning more money. Greed has overcome my sub-conscious. I neglected the church, and I thought I have enough time to get myself baptized, and get into heaven.

Time flies, doesn't it? And I think I am a real jerk, for not appreciating my time and chance. The remorse of not getting myself into heaven plagued me for few days, and I hope the effect plagues me forever- to remind me of the importance of time.

Now, my application is all in a mess, I don't really have much time. I used to think that I could have more time, but now I think I could have more courage and faith in God. I want to give up, but the impacts are still within me. It's a hard time, a tough journey, a no-return adventure. I hope my high school friends understand the true meaning of the IMPORTANCE OF TIME.

I hope he can read through this blog before he starts saying, "I thought I could have more time."

All the best, 2009 ends with a new kira born; 2010 starts with a new kira moving onwards with a smile and glitter on his face.

Location: Kolej Cendana, SHAH ALAM (I thought I was the only stupid fella who come here damn early, it seems that some other 2 took the same plight as I was. Thanks to them, and thanks to God, I manage to get an accommodation before I get my room back from the office :) )

Situation: us application ><>

Action: Listen to the music, blogging, tahan my stomachache until I go INTEC. writting essays

Tension: timeless and fearful

Aspiration: Have faith in God, have confidence in yourself, have inspiration behind every action.

What if I can change the world without changing myself? Life impacts 3

I was impressed by the lifegame. It has so many stories for me to tell about, lots of reminiscent during the game until I need to split my blogs into several parts just to write about its impacts towards my life.

(i need to do some sort of statistics research in order to find out which topics I like to talk much about. Probably the bad things win :p)

I am getting a lot better now, thanks to lots of paracetamol and sing kung chui? I had been nauseaing even before the award ceremony in Hilton, in the toilet of my hostel during life game and so on. Lawrence will never know that I actually took 10-15 pills of panadol before and after the MJ dance. He's right: my life has stepped into the ills and pills phase. :) is that a good news or a bad news?

It's rather worldly, but this time I would like to emphasize on what roles should a person play in a complex society. Each of us has his or her own role to play. Either he is a policeman, or a lawyer, or a businessman, or a salesgirl, he or she is part of the bigger picture. Each one of us are interconnected and interrelated.

It is like a big jigsaw puzzle. In order for you to form the edge or a specific part of the bigger puzzle, you must link those pieces which are related together. For a complete jigsaw puzzle to be constructed, none of the pieces shall be forgotten. The missing pieces might be small, but the whole puzzle will never be completed.

That's why we all have the ability to change the world. It doesn't matter whether it is big, or small. It's a changing world, and we are the factors, the enzymes, the buffers.

Copenhagen's discussion over global climatic changes finally end. Obviously everyone knows that we need to do something in order to protect the earth, especially the Malaysian. Let's just put it into a very simple question, "DO YOU RECYCLE?"

We can definitely do something for the earth. That's why we are called human beings. We have the social ability to organize and interact as a community; we have the intellectual ability to know the ethical things that we should do.

However, what is the point changing the world but without the ability to change yourself for the better?

Every one of us (most of us) has big aspiration. But don't forget that our life is like a piece of record. What we had done were all recorded in the book of life. It has influenced lots of people: your family, relatives, friends, mates, and so on. They become your true testimonies around the world.

Congratulation to my aunt for not only getting a nice husband in her marriage, a Luxurious wedding in Rh hotel, but also lots of nice testimonies from her friends. "cheerful, innocent girl" "helpful angel"... ... Judging from their looks, I know that all those testimonies about my aunt are real and touchy.

If you are going to die tomorrow, what do you wish your friends to say about you during your ceremony? Are they going to talk about your great ambitions and contributions to the world, or your effort to become a better person among them?

The choice lies in me, and I believe my friends have more than that to say about me.

life impacts 2- my family

A 16A1 initiated my new journey to realize my dream. But how many knows the true story behind this tragedy? I am not that surprised as mentioned in the article, but there were a lot of people who did really feel surprised, in a bad way, I meant


What does 16A1 really mean? After joining the life game, I realized that I was being famous not only for dancing MJ during "残酷一丁", but also for being a 16A1. Among my juniors, I am like a super hero, a legend, a sophisticated figure who did miracles with ingenious brain power. From my juniors' perspective, I am not as bad as how my peers viewed me. (I am glad for that :p and I appreciate it)

My life was deemed as a glorious life full with fantastic achievements. However, does it really matter?

My dad installed a DVD screen in my own car. It's a weird feeling watching American Pie while driving, you know. (but the music is cool!)

My own CRV, a gift from my dad.

Somebody view it as my own effort: I earned it with my hard works; I earned it with my result and reputation gained in SPM 2008. I had all the privileges that my dad can offer me. Whether I want the latest handphone or a luxurious vacation in the Prince, I can always get what I want. Others view me as a lucky boy who was born in elite class (not that kind of Manhattan's elite class you saw in Gossip Girl, my hometown type) ; despite my results I will always be treated with a great deal of indulgence.

It was cool to meet Mr. Mahmud in person, an experience that is hotly discussed among my family members.

So, what's the point of working hard when you got everything that you want to have? What is the point to strain yourself for something that you don't really need to? Am I being too ambitious or lion-hearted until I overworked myself?

How many of my fans, and peers, know that my family is not born rich? Ta Ann isn't looked like that before its immense growth in international business. My dad, similar to my other granduncles and uncles, sacrificed his own health to sustain the growth. My house used to be cupboard house in the primitive village, and it is still there. Our first car was actually a white Proton Saga. I wasn't born genius: I might have some cracky ideas about life and philosophy. I have mediocre SAT score even though I sat it twice!

That's the reason. I experienced the poverty once, I really know how others feel when they don't have food to eat. (that's why I sacrifice my own lunch in the lifegame.) I know that this luxury isn't something gifted as granted; it is my previous generation that helps sustaining it. I admit that sometimes I do practice escapism through severe procastination, but that doesn't hinder me from my ultimate goal.

We can't really choose our own origins, can we? We can't choose which family do we have, or what our DNA is. All we can choose is the way we live as well as the road we take now and in the future.

In life game, I really learnt that life is not about my past, it's about my present and my future that I want to live. I was given nothing in the game, except for mediocre money and a business ownership. I survived until the end, didn't I? I can survive without my family's rich background. I can survive with $10000 debt. I can survive without getting a tertiary education. I survived through lots of determination.

Things don't change much whether or not I am in a prosperous family or a peasant family. I have always want to maintain my family's pride and prosperity as well as create a better future for both my family and my friends. Well, let's not forget about the bigger picture: the world that we live now. It needs change, but where are those who are going to change it?

let's leave that part until my next blog.

My current situation?

stomachache, nauseaing, severe muscle cramp, headache, diarrhea.

I missed the Christmas celebration in church :(

I was reminded

I was seeking an answer for a question that I long asked before: why did I become apathetic towards God? Is it because of my plethora of things that I want? Behind the race, I decided to find the answer in life game- a life impact ministries organized in my hometown. In order to rediscover my life purpose, I took a break in my application process.

And now, I had it: the answer.

"Today I am stepping across the line. I'm tired of waffling, and I'm finished with wavering. I've made my choice, the verdict is in; and my decision is irrevocable. i'm going God's way. there's no turning back now!

I will live the rest of my life serving God's purposes with God's people on God's planet for God's glory. I will use my life to celebrate his presence, cultivate his character, participate in his family, demonstrate his love, and communicate his World.

Since my past has been forgiven and I have a purpose for living and a home awaiting in heaven, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead, I will magnify God, grow to maturity, serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission in the membership of his family.

Because this life IS preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, 'we' over 'me', character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessins, position, and pleasures. i know what matters most, and i'll give it all I've got. I'll do the besst I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.

I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by cirtics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running my race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down , back out or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by GOd's grace. I am spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

I'm a trophy of God's amazing grace, so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for everyday, and generous with everything that God entrusts to me.

To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever, and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway. Whatever It takes Lord; whatever it takes! I want to be used by you in such a way, that on that final day I'll hear you say. "Well done, thou good and faithful one! Come on in, and let the eternal party begin!""

This race is not just about who can run faster at first, but who can run towards the end successfully.

I had learnt not to give up at whatever cost. I can achieve a lot of incredible thing as long as I believe in it. Though I was in debt of $9000 during the game, with great determination, I was able to turn it around and maximized my profit with the least that I had. If I gave up at that particular moment, I might just get killed.

First lesson that I had learnt is NEVER GIVE UP! I had given up once and it ended with remorse. I had 10 days; each day can be as meaningful as 30 days that they have. May God bless those who are busy in their application for not forgetting God's presence.

All the best! I won't repeat the mistake that I had made in Lifegame. Thanks God it was just a game; and Thanks God for giving me a second chance to play my life.

I was warned

I was warned, not by my best friends, but by an interviewer who is an alumni from the most prestigious university in US.

"You must know where the line is, and remember, don't ever cross the line, or else you will end up to be a very dangerous criminal."

This is the quote which gave me the most impact throughout my day. I know it is not offensive, but quite touching for me. I don't think there is any interviewer who will give any advice to his or her interviewee. I was grateful for what he had said to me throughout the whole session.

But for some privacy issue, I don't think it is genius by mentioning which college interview did i attend. (those hackers, as well as hypocrites, like to plagiarize my idea and give non-constructive opinions which I think it is totally a waste of my time, and also their time)

I mentioned about Kung Hui (yo fren, long time no chat lo, still in detention?) in the colored fire experiment. Still remorseful about the explosion that I create when doing colored fire that burned his hand. I never realize how dangerous the situation we were in when I made the chemicals so volatile and flammable by heating up alcohol and chemicals. It was dangerous, and I was way too young to realize the dangers behind an experiment.

I sneak into loophole when doing projects. In fact, I don't do things in orthodox ways. I like to be different from the others, that's why I used my creativity to do something which others never try out. However, there are something that I myself would like to experience it, like visiting the gynecology department in the hospital. It is quite impossible for just a high school student to experience something like that. Since you are given a chance, why not?

There is one similarity between the interviewer and nat: they both mentioned I should not follow what my heart tells me, or follow my emotion. That is quite true. In fact, it is a homework that I have been working out for the whole year. I learn how to think rationally, how to judge others without any sentimental bias towards the others and how to analyse every situation from different perspective.

I think that's what I really learnt through the application process. No matter I get myself admitted or not, ( this could be a real hot topic discussed by every Malaysian if I didn't get admitted, just like how they spread rumors about Nur Amalina who gets 17A1, and I was so stupid for not googling out the truth) at least I learnt something, things that my peers from Tung Hua will never learnt. I was exposed to people like Yl or ZY or Hobart; they might not know how much they had inspired me to do something different, not for myself, but for the world that we are soon gonna face.

Then what is university for? In my perception, it was used to be a place where I think I can get a tertiary education in order to get a job in my future, but not now as I realize Universities are there for you to rediscover your dream and aspiration, realizing the passion in your heart for you to change the world, even if it is just a minor change.

I was warned, and now it is time for me to think for the people around me. I was thinking may be it is the 2012 movie that led However, I must be honest that I was hooked by 3 major things in my life: games, anime and funny Taiwanese talkshow. The main thing that I must learn now is how to create 72 hours from 24 hours. Hehe :p

Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Isaac Newton, Gregor Mendel and Charles Darwin: they all share the same 24 hours as me.

underlying message of my previous blog

I was so aghast when I saw somebody post my blog as a comment in Suk Jun's blog. I don't think that's Suk Jun; she abhors people who are pretentious and arrogant, especially like me (i think). But no matter what he or she shouldn't just copy my blog like that, that's plagiarism without any citation from my blog and it is seriously irresponsible... ... OMG, at least Suk Jun knows how to quote sth from Fabian.

People like to emphasize on others' bad things but undermine their good points. I don't really understand. If you hate somebody does that mean he is seriously a bad person without any good qualities? I always sigh when people start to detest without seeing any good aspects from others.

ya, 5s4 has a lot of fallacies, seriously! That is something not even anyone can argue back, but remain silent and pretend it to be not exist. My post is about human double-standard and I set my previous class as background but people just like to twist it. (I agree I am not knowledgeable or encyclopedic enough to comment on how our politics exists something as double standard or prejudice; besides, my poor English limits my further explanation and elaboration). Please la, I complain about 5s4 doesn't mean I hate 5s4, I just hate the fallacies applied in our life. AND I am not the one that doesn't understand that life is not about competition, but I always get these annoying competitors who want to compete with me- in formal somemore. Is winning or losing really that important? Nobody can define success tangibly, so as I.

The message I want to bring out is: as long as our education doesn't revolutionize, it will just produce more people who apply this standard upon others. More corruption, more moral decadence, and the list is endless. We can't live in our own world pretending that nothing happens in our country and proclaiming that we are a developed utopia (or class) or something.

We can be happy, but something must be done. I don't beg for any compassion or empathy from my peers, nor from my families or friends or even my country. I believe, there are a lot more people who undergo the same feeling as mine; if I speak out I might only filter out some friends, but if they speak out they might lose their lives.

I dare to speak out because I have nothing to lose. I don't really need to pretend anything in front of my friends. (not like somebody that i truly know) It could be my bad experience and perception about my ex-class that motivate me to criticize about my class, but what moves my heart to write about my past is actually some of my post-secondary experiences as well as some articles and news that I had read through on the newspapers these few days. I linked them with my experience and substantiated them with some of the examples.

I guess that is all; I shouldn't touch on more sensitive issue like racism or politics or sexism or massacre until I fully understand those issue in a more rational and reflective perspective.

Bible teaches me to be ingenuous, but not apathetic or simplistic. It teaches me to be humble, but not pretentious or ostentatious.

Some of the annoying things I encountered since 5s4

OMG, is that serious? I am retaking my SAT 1 again? Without any preparation again? Seriously?

It seems that i am mumbling again about my education. Don't ask me why I need to retake it. The reason is merely simple: I believe I ca,an do better this time.

Because of some unexpected incidents, I was forced to postpone my return back to Sibu until I finish my interview with MIT. I was glad that I had made up my mind without any notification to my family. I guess I am not that eager to go back home. What is the point to go back home when people like suk jun or changhwa don't even bother a person like me in Sibu? Ya, they are way too "holy"and "busy", i guess... ...

I am not sure why but people usually like to put me down or something. I kept helping others out by encouraging them to do the best they can do. I like my friends to excel themselves, not for me, or because of me, but for their own good. However, the responses that i get from my friends are:

"Aren't you the top one in the school? Har? this simple question also can't do o?

"You are the top, why you need to consult me?

"Don't think you are going to be the top as always! One day I will be more successful than you.

"You are such a genius, a genius in using money to buy marks and charismatic skills to buy more marks even... ..."

I get the same comments and sayings like that every year. In their minds I am a lion-hearted guy who likes to make comparison between education and marks and scores and whatever else that is competitive. Clarifying that, I would never say something like this to anyone in the school!!!!!! !!! !!! or anyone that i meet in my life!

However, I was hurt by all the words that you guys say to me like that. If I am somebody like that I would never ask Wen Dee to stop sms with martin during class, or helping hwa do the examination analysis... ...

5s4 2008 is such an ugly place to study. When I was the top, people like to lampoon my travesty, so annoying that everytime I want to scream and smash the books to those guys face. When Chang Hwa became the top one, every one starts to curse him and talking bad about him. When Woei tan became the top one, everyone starts jealous about him and kept giving him new nickname for him, so disgusting and humiliating but those people enjoy crashing the top towards the abyss.

When those people pretend themselves to stand aside with justice and God, commenting why others are behaving in a way that is not accepted by themselves, they never analysis their fallacy of their attitudes and philosophies towards life. Some of the super annoying fallacies that I always criticize openly, because of my agressive criticizes towards these fallacies makes me one of the most abhorrent figure in my class:

1. They don't allow me to go up and correct a question wrongly marked by Mr Lau Pik Ying as my answer is written in Nm-1, but his answer is in Ncm-1 (the question didn't ask for specific unit) because they regard this as unfair! But they allow chang hwa to go up and ask more marks in bio essays which is totally unrelated to the science. (Mdm Lee guek Bee gave him marks because he shows CREATIVITY in his essays)- what the hell, everyone is like that, NOT JUST CHANG HWA, seriously... ...

2. When I went up to ask for a bonus for the papers (everyone will get equal bonus too), everyone starts woo-ing at me, but when other figures like constance or christine went up and ask for a bonus, they regarded them as heroes or heroines.

3. When I helped others to do their works like putting away the tables or thinking about the writings, nobody thanks me. but when the useless hooligans contribute a word, the classmates are like "Wonderful, a wonderful jobs" in sincerity somemore.

4. They like to blame others when something happens, eventhough it is just a merely accident which nobody wants it to happen... ... when they contribute something wrong, they refuse to apologize but still pushing away their responsibilities to others.

5. Somebody like to say "we need to fight for our right"! Ya, especially when it involves money, their money. When a friend is indeed need help, they would say "no use la, what's for to fight... ... malas la!"

6. Some girls abhor people who likes to "emo-ing" but yet they befriend with people who emo-ing just because they are pretty, they have the right to emo, or because they are handsome like jiawen or chang hwa.

7. Christine was "badly" hurt when she heard peifun just comment "Sometimes she gives inconstructive opinion which exacerbate the situation." they never understand the feeling when a teacher comments " I wish that fellow will never become a top one."

8. They like to pretend themselves to be friends of others just to fill up their hollowness, in real life, they keep talking bad about their "friends" and insulting them by making fun of their appearance and names, whatever they can think off, they can do it... ...

thanks for 5s4 for teaching me so many useful philosophy which I regard these as human fallacy. A double standard they always use to make themselves happy while ignore other's feeling. There are way more fallacy which i encountered during my post secondary school life. I hate it... ... It makes our society crumble in discriminations and prejudices. We should apply our standard rationally. A suggestion made by a person you dislike doesn't make it a bad suggestion! A caring invitation from somebody you despise doesn't make it an insult!

A truth regarding the 5s4 notoriety exposed by Akira doesn't make it into a direct insult or criticisms against specific people... ...

Because of the underlying perceptions towards specific person, our cognition and judgments towards an issue are biased and distorted by our feelings and assumptions in our hearts.

I don't think SHE will fight for any rights unless it involves her family and friends, money and personal benefits.... ...

Subang's 5 days trip

This is a very random blog. While tinkering my broken grammar, I was exposed to some articles which really caught my attention. These few articles are about things I really passionate about which others might regard them as boring: One Piece (boring pirate story), Arts (boring essays without words) and Biology (boring subjects with ONLY memorization)

I come to Subang for some reasons and purposes. First, of course it is the main reason, is I need to retake my SAT 1. Apparently my current score is a little bit too uncompetitive, and I felt regret of not putting more efforts into this examination. I was jealous of Xavier who is really good in his command of English. Somebody expect me to be good at English, but as far as i can see, I am not good enough to face the challenges in US.

Secondly, I miss my friends in Taylors'. They had just finished their AS examination and I seriously want to meet them, hang out with them and just enjoy my reminiscence of my memories. They need to know that INTEC people don't really act like how they think they should be.

Besides, I need to get the recommendation letters from a lecturer in Taylors', I think he had forgotten my request already, and I need to remind him again before I leave here.

Last, I need to get back a book I promised to bring back for Andrew, I know I had hurt his feeling by not bringing back his book, so I will still keep the promise. Thanks a lot for his help during my study in INtec, sometimes you don't really need somebody who are cleverer than you to help you out, you just need a true friend who savors your relationship to help you out.

However, this morning, somethings happen... ... again... ... (errr, my life is always full of surprises, is it??)

Yayasan Kuching phoned me that I was awarded Anugerah Ketua Menteri Sarawak, I think so, and informed that I need to go for a prize giving ceremony held in Kuching on 15th dec. All the transportation and accommodations are inclusive in the fares supported by the yayasan. But, there is a problem! I had a camp on 16th dec, and it is a life game I long anticipated to go for. Then, there is the MIT EC who emailed me that he is available on 3rd and 9th dec for an interview. It overlapped either my holiday in Sarawak and intervene my preparation for SAT1.

I was aghast, two different things overlap my life again. I was always given a choice, a decision to make between two different things, which are both equally important to me, in my life.

I was given a choice when I was 17, either a chance to go debate with 100% chance to win the whole competition or a friendship I enjoy having in my life. I chose the later, and the aftermath isn't what I longing for. A relationship full of charlatan and pretentious conversation has plagued my life for more than a year. The ramification was deadly, and I refuse to make any extrapolation regarding this tragic story.

Since then, I was afraid of making a choice, I am scared of listening to others' advice. I was just... ... scared.

It could be a great chance for me to meet up the EC from MIT, it could be also a great chance to ruin my only chance of showing my very best to the EC.

Weird, since when has Akira interested in MIT. He keeps talking about his contempt for the geeky lifestyle in MIT and the extraordinary workload that he has to face if he is admitted. He is definitely not that type of guy that everyone expect to exist in MIT.

The idea of having both life science and human technology integrate and intervene together strikes me. I want to do something like that. All those unrealistic ideas of mine are quite widely accepted in MIT though! Maybe, just maybe. There is a chance. Who knows??

I think I will just try out for the interview, while getting myself a nice conversation with my EC. As long as I am confident in God, there isn't much difference for a week of preparation. I think so. Besides, I need to come back once more time in order to fully complete my dossier as I haven't actually complete my common application essays.

Having faith in God isn't something that you keep putting aside of your mouth, it is a practice which seldom people can truly hold on to, and I am still learning it.

Ah, Subang, the starting point of my new adventure for education. One piece, Tree, Bioethics, Friendship, Critical Thinking, Unorthodox idea... ... it all came from here, it is continuing in Shah Alam, and it will be brought to US.