the weird one week

finally, i get a little bit free time to blog. This free time, OMG, is actually 12 hours before my ethic exam! Yet i still have the free time to blog. My blog usually takes me about 2 hours just to complete. I think this time i am going to type as fast as possible based on my instinct. If not, i am going to screw up myself. I don't intent to make my hobby into something that is detrimental to my health and my exam!

Last Monday is my most memorable day! This is something that is a must for me to blog out! My first birthday party!!! Seriously, My FIRST birthday party. Every year because of my inopportune birthday alarm, i am unable to celebrate my very own birthday! Every one is busy preparing their exam! Most of the people are indulging themselves into their own works. However, this year, I am lucky as there are 4 girls helping me celebrate my 18th birthday! As one of the youngest among my peers, I, indeed have lots of unbearable experience during my birthday. Shi Eng, Siau Ting, Wendy and Amy celebrate my birthday in Secret Recipe. Even though it is not as grand as Cathy birthday part, i appreciate it a lot. Chocolate cake is very nice!!

Ting ting, my only schoolmates who studies the same program as me

Delicious pasta

those boys above my hostel and around my hostel have given me a memorable birthday experience also. It is like what chi liang's birthday, but a little bit more fun. (as Lady Gaga incident just happened recently) I was given a birthday candle sticked on an external plug. OMG! So hilarious!

i can't believe they actually did that, lolz!

Being Gaga, Being SpeciAL. In deed i have quite a unique life here at Intec. I am not sure why but whenever i am at anywhere i will always be regard as gay. However, i don't care about that anymore. Whatever they like to say, i enjoy having relationship with very closed friends. Too bad everything is going to have a temporary end starting next next week. All the best in exam!

a little bit small gift for myself, Halloween Dress!

A whole hectic week again

Here i am, totally fatigue and tired, with a little bit of confusion within my heart. Deep inside my heart, i want to enjoy my life here, staying and loafing with my friends here. However, i am eager to try out Ivy league, chase my greatest dream of all! Getting myself into one of the best university is always my dream. I want to indulge myself into scientific research, playing with all those instruments and accessories. I want to crazy around (gaga) the campus, taking photographs and viewing all those aesthetic arts like Charis. I want to break my record, or to put it in other words, i want to beat myself and reach another peak of my life? yeaaahhh. These few weeks i have been trying out lots of fresh activities which i had never tried out before. It was such a refreshing experience, having lots of friends around doing the same thing with you while enjoying such a high popularity.

The only main thing is they don't know my tragic past, a confounding and shattered past memories which i shall never link it out together.

When i walk straight ahead, i am scared to look back. I don't want to face it. It was like darkness scraping my inner innocent, pushing myself to the scariest abyss which i can't escape. All i can do now is take my past as an invaluable experience for me to grow and nurture for my journey to ivies.

Strange and odd, i have a different image in INTEC. In Taylor's, i am treated as super genius, super prodigy that is gifted with so many talents and thinking abilities. Here, i am different again. I have a unique role, a role which is always fooling around with crazy ideas and unrealistic opinions. I feel like i want to be different and unique with the other scholars. They are all so serious and hardworking, which i regard as nerdy attitude, in their study. They like to stick themselves to the books and books. Seriously, just text books! Nevertheless, i found that they lack something, just a bit something- they lack the ability to think out of the box, the ability to think beyond the forbidden line, a line which normal student dare not to overcross it.

I always want to stand out; i think it could be referred as my egocentric. It feels good to stand out, and be who you are. I am pondering with a very deep question asked by others, " why do you need to do extra? Why you put so many works on something that might turn out to be worthless and valueless? Ya, back to my oldie topic of my blog- passion and dream. (such a hackneyed platitude already). I want others to see that there is something called passion which is still exist in our daily life. Everyday many of the scholars have been blindfolded and become bold by the fact that they take their scholarship as granted. They do not put in their best effort in their "gameplay" (i would like to deem our assignments and exam as games. Just notice them carefully and you will notice that these two things don't really show much differences between them). They have forgotten that the final success is to be the best of you, not just so so. I want to be the best, do all the best that i can do, disregard any possible outcome that might lead to. I want to fully enjoy my works, my fruitful result after my efforts that i had paid off. All i can see through my works and my extra effort that i put in is i am improving.

I am improving, not only in my study, but in my everyday's doing. My speaking abilities, my writing abilities, my articulating abilities, my thinking abilities- they are all improved, i can sense it. The flowing of my idea is endless after lots of intensive practice of critical thinking. My critical thinking, the way of my thinking, is changing so volatile that i myself am scared about the changing of my thought at such speed. I am quite amazed by my improvement.

4 months change lots of things around me. My relationship between my friends, my classmates and my lecturers. I am not sure how my lecturers are going to think about me after my gaga show in my OC campaign project. I am not sure how my ethic lecturer is going to think about my presentation today. Haha. May be i can do better? Or may be they were shocked by my weird thoughts and random thinkings? Many of my classmates have regard me as weird and odd. So? What i had learnt through my campaign is be gaga! Don't care about any bullshit talking from them. Just be yourself. Yea, you can take their opinion into consideration, but what i believe in is the confidence towards your own thinking plays a much prominent role than your consideration towards other opinion. Yea, i am weak in my SAT, i am relatively weak in my speaking as compared to the others. I am less calm and tranquil as compared to others. However, i have faith and confidence in my strongest point- my odd and weird thoughts that i dare to express out, the act that many other prolific figures had done which change the world so dramatically that we can do nothing but be amazed by our used-to-be stubbornness.

Where am i now? Digression is always my incorrigible mistake in my blog, in my assignment and in my lifetime. After my SAT, i went shopping with my classmates, including some of my very close friends since primary school, including Lawrance and Andrew. Lawrance, Ang and I ended up having ice skating after our G-force 3D experience(seriously, that is a lot of money). Ya, Law and I ice-skated since 6pm until 10pm. We fall down together, we stood up together and continue circling around the ice rink. He was so hilarious and Lazei ( lazei means like to show off while you know nothing about a particular field in foochow, a language so abstruse that i can never understand eventhough it is my root language.) by showing off that he can jump while ice-skating. As a result, he fell down right with his butt. That was so funny! He stood up with his bare hand without any help of mine while his two legs were cramped. 3 seconds later, he was revived and started ice skating like an amateur again. I was amazed by his determination, his perseverance in ice-skating. I am the one who laughed at him when he first ice-skating in such an awkward way, but now my inner pride was despised as i gave up ice-skating after 3 hours of strenuous works on the ice-rink. He was tired, but he did not give up in ice-skating, rather he kept skate and skate and skate until the very last minute when the rink was closed and the final session ended.

Passion sometimes can drive many people into crazy, doing something that one shall never expect. It is a lesson that Huat should at least learn- a lesson which he can never find in the book.

SAT

yeah, tomorrow is going to be my SAT. a deadly iq test which, to me, is just playing around obscure, bombastic english words in order to confuse the candidates. These few weeks i was unable to manage my time properly for my SAT preparation. Such a day-dreamer i am for keep blafing that i am going to fly in one year with such a mediocre result. I am a mundane person without any special skills. I am not an adept debater, i am not a aesthetic artist, i am not a prolific writers. Basically, i am just a little bit more than just nothing, just a litttttle bit more.

Despite all odds, i am going to try this out: applying my dream universities, challenging myself to the loftiest peak of US, and making myself beyond just an ordinary person. Looking in the mirror i saw my eyes, glaring with fire of determination. I know i want to fly in one year! The simplistic reason behind all these redundant extraneous businesses is i thrive on challenge myself. I live, i respire, i do everything that makes me alive, like a human walking under the sunshine zealously. I want to embelish my life with passionate activities, things that i foremost fancy about it; one of them is actually drawing. Holding my paint brush and scintillating my colors on the piece of paper generate my heart beats and my nerve impulses.

Staying here for the next month, i just realized that i have been here for more than 3 months. A lot of things had happened in between each one of us. Hwa, Drew, Law, Kiong, Xav, Hong, Dvd... ... the list is endless. All these sibu-zai are staying on the same area for the last few months. Things have changed between each one of us. I am not sure is this change change for the better or for the worse? Only until now did i discover that human relationship is so volatile and capricious. The first few months i can see that many of them are together. Sibu zai always eat together, walk together in or off campus, talk together in foo chow. We have been going through many things together for 3 months in Shah Alam; however, things are blatant that we are disintegrating in between us. We are diverging among us, the what-so-called "the unbreakable, and we are leaving away from this group, like creating a new branch from the main stem of one tree named SIBU.... .....

IF i get admitted into the ivies (just an assumption), the first person that i will definitely miss the most is lawrance- a boy who always act mischievously with a facetious expression on his face that amused me so much until i cant stop laughing at all. There is drew, a serious-type student who looks erudite in school. Those from the ALM, the girls and the boys, i am going to miss them too. May be those who are heartless regard these "fellowship" as nonsense, but it is not the intrepid feeling to do any dangerous thing that makes you a man, but the courage to face your greatest fear deep inside your heart makes you the strongest man in the world. I never feel ashamed of my fragile heart, my sentimental feeling which can cry whenever i was touched... ... I will never get used to this seclusive feeling, the feeling of being seperated by faith and destiny.

Everyone is definitely going to be part of a memory of someone. Do i still belong to one of your memories, hwa?

Stressing

While some others are enjoying their idle life doing nothing but busy playing games, I am totally stressed up. "EMO"-ing again, i guess. However, these few days i have been trying my very own limit again until i have no excess energy to do emo. Every minute i thirst for sleep, a full and sweet sleep on my bed, eventhough there is no air con in my room. I DO want to relax and enjoy my college life.

"Just sit back, relax, and fully prepare yourself before you fly. Staying here for 2 years isn't that bad. May be a B- isn't that bad too. It just means that you are not the material for Ivies. " Every word, every sentence was delivered straight to my mind. Such a demotivational speech given by Mr Kamal, his talk was so impactful to some of us till even i myself can't accept this truth- Maybe we are just not prepared yet.

When you can't even walk properly with two legs, how can you possibly run swiftly with two legs which cannot walk? Basic foundation and thinking ability are emphasized. And there is one undeniable truth that i must accept from his speech: I am still weak. I am not yet founded with adequate knowledge and adept skills.... ...

3 days before my SAT... ... gotta sleep before i faint... ...

those who can relax, be grateful; those who suffer from impatience, be grateful; those who might get nervous, be grateful

for you can relax, you can feel and talk... lastly, for you are still alive

Is life just about debate?

no mood to discuss how i enjoy my mooncake festival. All i can say is it was quite memorable and enjoyable. I am not sure why but playing swing is my mooncake festival main activity. Most of my time during mooncake festival was spent in playing swing and seesaw. Weird as it may seem, but this is how i spent my mooncake festival.

Just like what Nat had said in yesterday application essay workshop, 'Those people they don't care about what you had done or what you had choose in your life. What they want to know is something that is related to them, something that is more rigid and solid in grasping.' I am not going to blaff what had i done for the whole week. Thinking is a more crucial issue that i need to solve critically by this moment. I must not be affected by anyone of those who want to distract me from the pathway to ivies. Focus, dude! FOCUS!

There is going to be 3 big test in one whole week for me to withstand. Including Lawrance, Andrew, Amy Cullen. ADFPians are going to face their greatest challenge in their study life- SAT. Different from other programs, we need to face our most challenging exam after 3 months of official lectures only! With a combining of another two big test: Pre cal (which somebody found it very difficult to study, yet A levelian regard it as easy as ABC) and Reading. While other programs are enjoying their celebration during mooncake festival, ADFPians are the people who suffer like shit just to study for 3 test. Gambate, ADFPians. We are definitely not the best, but we are definitely the better one, judging from the past few experiences of mine in INTEC activities.

This blog shall not be discovered by too many people as this blog is merely about my personal thoughts about everything that is related to me. I am outspoken and i dare to speak out as who i am, what i think. Basically, i have treated my life as a game, a competition about winning or losing, like a debate against everyone.

Cited from Andrew who cited from another anonymous person, "Don't argue with Akira, you can't actually argue back on him, whatever he said can turn everything upside down mercilessly." That Hwa always underrated my debate skill, what he didn't realize is that, he is always the one that is driven to crazy whenever we quarreled. and that is the only time i use my debate skill on a non-rival, mercilessly, without any empathy or sympathy towards him. How could i possibly do something that cruel against him?

Ya, eventually, i win. But, what is the point to win against your friend? Does that make you superior? Or fantastic? Nope. It just lead to more remorseful feeling that you had ever had in your life.

Should we always seek an answer to every question in our life? Life is always full of uncertainty and there is no absolute answer for each and every question.

Mouth and tongue is definitely the most powerful weapon in the world. It creates dispute; it creates harmony. A scathing hurtful word can be released from a mouth in just a blink of an eye. Another soul is dead because of one word. Another spirit disappears because of bitter words.

Then why i dare to use such a forbidden technique on such an innocent guy. I am not going to justify what i had done already. let bygone be bygone, despite your past, your future is a clean slate. Sorry for what i had done already, i can't reverse any impact that i had done on him. Neither can he.

Even Andrew can't withstand my verbal attack in just one noon, then i discover that Hwa had actually withstand it for a year. Deep in my heart is still full of resentment... ... those 5s4-ian, however i hope that everyone of them is happy and motivated now.

I want them to be more successful than me.

Life is not just a debate, it could be some part of it is made of debate, but mostly it is a form of conversation where you need to give and accept others opinions unadulterated and untwisted.

My biggest problem is that, i can twist any words that they had said into some irritating words which they can never expected, so plausible that even myself take it as real. This is infact my biggest weakness.