Adfp mms sketch, titanic

(shit, these days really wasn't akira day, i cant even upload a single things, including fb, msn, bla bla bla- maybe i will upload it on the next day)

Hehe, long time lo, finally i upload this video as my memory. I am there, acting stupid and innocent yet evil flows within my veins. Hei hei! Somebody might comment i am totally stupid and childish, but as yesterday is passing away everyday, soon what's left dwindling in our life is our todays and tomorrows. How many tomorrows do we have? And i am soon gonna enter my 18s, 2 years before i enter my first 20s.

Life is still going on, day by day. It's not only that our age are building up, same as our own memories. Every experiences and every dreams, is continually lined up and mixed together to become its own story. We might become oblivious towards some of our memories. We tend to forget something that happened in the past.

Memories always lies in our heart and our mind, it is scattered and broken, we are going to link it up together, forever, no matter you are a passerby, or an important role in my life, everyone is a part of my story, and i am the part of everyone's story. Stories still go on, Memories are still linking up.

Appreciate everyone around you when you still have the ability to remember something, when time pass, so as... ... you lost the ability to link back your memories! Memories never lost to nowhere, what lost in our life is the sentimental of our heart: to a world so dull and insipid full with apathy and darkness... ...

Cannon D

Is My Life That Simple? Or Is It Too Complicated To Be Simple? We Might Not Always Get The Answers That We Want For The Questions In Our Life. It Can Only Be Solved When Time Goes On. Simplicity Is Always Paradoxical, An Overstatement That Truly Reflects My Life.

Everyone has a different perception towards their surroundings, whether is their family, or their friends. With different influences, each one of us become unique and special as we start to have our own perceptions. A musical note, sometimes it means joyous, to some of them it means hatred; some of them might feel emotionless towards this note, eventhough it could be melodious to me.

Among Drew's classical music list, my preference is the Cannon in D. It becomes my favourite classical music the moment i heard about it. Law agreed with me that this song is "VERY NICE TO HEAR". To me, this song not only brings about joyous or happiness; it is a music full with hindrance and challenges, happiness surrounded by sorrow, and the glory of success after lots of hardship.

Actually i was inspired by Charis' blog to write about my reflection towards the blade of grass. My initial response was, "the blade of grass?" Could anybody just write his reflection based on his view of a blade of grass. I don't think it is possible, but there is always a possibilities. I do have a personal reflection when i look at the blade of the grass. It was just that now half of my heart was filled with hatred from that txx.

What God Blessed Me Is a Sentimental Heart. I think there is always pros and cons, and i believe, the cons is i am easily delude by my personal feeling.

I really need to refind the source of the light in my heart. No darkness shall alive under the magnificience of His Glorious Light. A heart that cries for the poor, a heart that warms out people, a heart that sings for happiness but never the heart that despises love and caring.

Then what's so special about Cannon In D? To me, it is about light. It is about a lost spirit in a nighty night, with no stars decorated on the sky. There is no source of light around. A sense of confusion, hatred, lost, and sombre flowing around the atmosphere makes his vision blurred and bewildered.

The sky is roaming with lighting of hatred. His feeling is scared and terrified until he saw something in front of him a distant away. Step by step, he walked towards this point. He knows there is something, but he is unsure about his underlying thought. What if this was just another illusion, a by-product of non-stop sorrow and everlasting darkness in his heart. A Mirage is something what e-generation would have said about it. Holding on his faith, he walked across the hindrance and obstacles in a greater pace.

Upon arriving at there, what he saw is just a small point of light. It is not a firefly, nor is a light bulb. Suddenly, he feels depressed. What is the point of having so much trouble just for a simple point of light??

Suddenly, the light disappears. He was shocked in disbelief. He is living in the darkness again. He will never know, the light is actually--- --- the hope that he held in, the passion that he devoted in his life.

As you lost your faith, so as the light disappeared. That's why, we need to have faith in God before we can truly see his glorious light in front of us.

The Road could be Difficult, It can be Tough, as long as the heart is filled with a melodious rhythm that encourages you not to give up faith and hope, there is always a light in front of yours.

Cannon In D brightens up the sky with a dot of light

something that i am proud of

k... ... no more time for those hoogie boogie... ... just as what Mr kamal had said before,(paraphrase version) " who cares those fucking ass hole when you fly over to Us ivy league in one year while they are still plucking their nostril in the shit pit. They will all be cursed and 2 of them will die in the next year... you have my back" For those who did not understand the background of this quote definitely will feel kinda offensed. But, this is a word full of his encouragement, his encouragement to a girl in Fargo who has a birthmark on her face.

the junior election, which i had put in a lot of effort in doing my campaign, is ok if i am not getting my vote, the point is about the passion that you had, and never cease it up. if you stop burning, passion stops burning too.

It's not magic, it is the passion for my dream to be realized... go go go! campaign is fun

sad, morose, annoyed

today, i don't know why and what are the reasons for me to be so depressed. I guess i do have some mental issue here now, or is everyone around me have such a good day, till i become an oblivious figure in their mind. Ya, of course. I am always not in their list or in his list or in her list. I am just a back up plan for them to spend their free, boring time. I hate myself. I am not as good as some people have thought who i am. I really emo now, sad and miserable.

All i ask is to have some friends who really do know me and understand me, and of course, i am in their list to do stuff together. But i am hurt, i really hurt. I scared of having another fren anymore, they just want to use me as a tool, and after using it, and when i lost my value to proof myself to be useful, they will just dispose me as a rubbish.

May be i am jealous, i am green in eyes when looking at the others when they are having their gathering but leaving me alone doing nothing here. But, i think it is ok for you to be angry when you realise that some of ur "fren" don't even bother you when you find them, but what they are busy is talking to other fren which they consider to be more useful than you. it is So irresponsible when you just neglect someone's sms or post as they never consider others feeling.
People might ask, why bother?? Consider myself to be different from the others, i always ask, y not bother?? It is a way to show you care ah, why you must consider these people who you are going to care worth your care or not???

Big deal??!! i would say, YES!

I hate people always treat me as invisible!!! i am not invincible! i have weaknesses! I am not just a rock without feeling. But people just dun care my existance. I am not that heartless!!!! !!! !!!
I hate people always not reply my sms or post or msn or email! not just one or two, that is forgivable!!! but like tens, hundreds, thousands!!! So annoyed and angry ah! Are you blind or just don't bother me because i am who i am???
I hate people who forget me, it's like commiting a murder psychologically.

And you know what??? I AM NOT A HAPPY GO LUCKY PERSON, yet i need to pretend myself to be a happy go lucky person and keep swallowing my bitterness at others back! I can suppress all my anger towards everyone, except that guy, i dunno y, may be is because of yesterday's promises between me and him.

And yet, i cant show my anger towards anyone in this world, as they might think that i went crazy again. i need to suppress and suppress and suppress.

I felt so stressed and pressurelized now, these few days, i kept suppress and suppress, all i can do is to release all my anger and pressure to the sky, to the God. Blessed them all who i hate.

third day in sibu

it has been like weeks already since last time i blogged about myself, not until that i realized that many of my friends started blogging also. This was all because their English teacher asked them to blog, ya, excuse excuse excuse. What i think is that they just want to know more about themselves via blogs, which is totally fine by me. infact i like to blog, not just showing my photos and sharing them with my friends, although there are not many people know that i own this blog for a very long time already.

Why i like blogging, and typing out all my life inside this e- jurnal? As a personal record? As a brag to show off myself? No. All i want to do is to write out my inner feelings about me myself, about what i am thinking now, about what i had done before and about anything that is related to me. Through writing i want to know who am i really, eventhough i am not good at writing, i am not good at expressing myself. Indeed, there aren't many people who know much about themselves. Life is like an ocean; as the voyage starts exploring the ocean, the more the journey that have been through, the more we discover how obscure and how profound the ocean can be. But, as the end becomes nearer, we will realize that the journey isn't as hard as we thought. Life is equivalent to the sea, sometimes we might feel intimidated by the journey that we are going to take, but who knows, starting a new journey may not be so hard, or it may already begun. Even the mighty sea has its limit, but the potential of human has no boundaries.

Today is my third day in Sibu which, after revisiting my own high school, SMK Tung Hua, i found myself totally tired and stressed. Sometimes i wonder why i need to waste so much time in doing my application? Why everyone can spend their times playing games that they like and going out with their friends to enjoy their life? Why i must suffer like this? What if i fail in getting into the ivy league? Just like when i fail in getting the post that i want? Oh God! Sometimes i felt so discouraged and daunted. I hate myself, why i always can't get something that i had put in so much effort and passion? Is it that i am not good at something? Am i goint to live as a failure in my life? What is the point to do something that we know it is going to fail with so much passion and effort? is it worth it?

Sometimes i really jealous of those athletes who keep winning in their games. I am just an ordinary boy living under other's shadow. Without the 16A1, i am nothing but just ordinary boy.

Why am i tired? Because i need to return to school in order to finish preparing my dossier which is all the documents that are required for the application for the universities in US. So many failures and hindrance. I really want to give up, especially when my support pillars since i am in form 5 had disappeared as his role.

Sometimes fighting something that is totally obscure for an ordinary people is tough and difficult, especially when you got no partners fighting alongside with you.

i felt quite disappointed when i lost the post as the head of bureau of activities. As this is something that i really put in a lot of effort and passion inside it. I scared of losing, i scared of keep losing to someone. As throughout all my life, i always lost. I lost in competiton, i lost in election, i lost in friendship and i lost in academic... ...

third day in Sibu, still haven't done anything meaningful, unless you count watching 我猜我猜 and onepiece as meaningful activities, then i am in great success. i plan to do 2 SAT practice test in one day, but finding it to be total disastrous, how can somebody manage to do such a soporific thing everyday? Haizzz i try i try

I always like that, i try my very best. what if my best isn't goood enough in other's standard? the result is simple, failure... ...

Passion is very important, it keeps something burning in the downpour despite that something is not meant for burning in the first place.

Hope that the forthday in sibu, i had great improvement in my time management.

Are you ready to die?

How many times have you encountered a death in front of you? Terrible disasters happened just in front of your eyes. You felt it personally; you felt it sensibly. Are you ready to die?

These few days after the wild election speech, which signified the end of campaign week, i am totally sick. Real sick. I think i really put in too much passion and heat until i lost my own body heat and get a cold instead. Recently H1n1 casualties had risen until certain extent in Malaysia till everyone in INTEC starts wearing mask for protection.

If tomorrow, i am found to be death because of H1n1, what will i do now? I am not sure. I am not even sure that i have the mental preparation to accept this.

Scared? no. I never scared of death, as i know my way to go after my death, i always believe in Him, so no worries about that.

But how about my parents? How about my friends? How about my dreams? Are they going to accept the fact that i am going to die? Of course my parents do care about me, they definitely will cry for such a tragedy till i am not even willing to see them having nervous breakdown when burrying me into the ground. However, what's going to happen to my friends? Are they going to miss me? Or their memories with me will soon become an oblivion.

From my view, if their memories about you disappear, you are really considered dead from this world. Death doesn't mean you are stop breathing. It means that you are being forgot by everyone in this world.

Eistein lives forever in our world, same as Jesus Crist, and others who are remembered by the generation that is still breathing and thinking in this world.

The only way to become immortal in this world, is to let everyone remembers you forever.

i felt sad as i think of the situation when i die. I am not sure that i will be remembered by my friends, and my closed friends and my best friends. Until now i have been obliterated by my friends again again and again in their memories! Eventhough i am still breathing, my heart is still pumping, i am as liveless as a death in his memories... ...

A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory

a far-off memory that's like a scattered dream

i wana line the pieces up, yours and mine... ...

Long time

ya, i am back again. Writing my words out in the sky for dreamers. These few days, many things happened and i kinda like it. Eventhough my SAT declined, once again, i still believe i can improve. Come on ya, there is always room for improvement. What's wrong to try flying within one year? it's good to have at least uphold a dream, although it might seem difficult to be accomplished, or seem daunting to be done when going through all these obstacles and challenges. I will always try and try, despite that people around me always doubt my abilities and capabilities.

It is all about the passion that you pour in doing something. I am still learning, discovering and exploring who i really am and what i really want to do.

Basically studying in INTEC do let me see something differently from another perspective. My lecturers are quite ok, competance. "Are you prepared to die? What if the next five minute, you die. Are you ready to be die?" "think about somebody who had a great impact or influence on you. Think of somebody that is special to you. Why he or she played a role in making who you are?" "if you are going to choose between a job that is interesting but not well paid and a job that is dull and insipid but with high salary, which one are you going to choose, and why?" Some of my classmates answered high salaries, because money can make the job interesting. Some of them said the prospect of an interesting job will soon lead to a high salary... ...

A little bit digressed, my point is, in INTEC ADFP, i finally have a chance to know who i really am. Am i really able to fly within one year? Or end up to be another slug indulging myself in DOTA and CS, like the others. Somehow i am quite jealous to others, like hwa in alm. They are having such a good time enjoying their college life!!! !!! playing dota, cs, whatever... ... i must isolate myself from partying and clubbing, force myself to condemn most of my leisure as sins, and burry myself in lots of SAT lexicon and tons of books tomes. I am totally in paradox!!! !!!!

Good to mention that throughout the last whole week was my campaign week for the hicom junior election. Each one of the candidates can choose to campaign himself/herself or not campaign. I am one of them who tried my best to promote myself and market myself as a good product. it was kinda fun to advertise yourself, just like those politician who always gave political sweets to the voters. haha! Weird ideas keep popping out to my mind from nowhere. And i dare to realise it out and express my idea out to the others as who i really am.

Diane is a nice girl, too bad she is my competitor, my rival... ... all's fair in love and war, is it?

Go akira! you can! Show them who you really are, show them who you want to be!

Saturday i was in the National Mathematics Competition organized by UTAR. it was TOUGH! seriously! totally beyond my imagination and capabilities. I need to fight with those who are from UM, USM, UUM, whatsoever. Sometime, it was just not the right timing to do something that you really dream of doing it, but you can't do it, right?

I don't know why i love ONEPIECE as my most favourite anime, probably because its plot is so related to my life. Treat my life as an adventurous voyage, sometimes it is good to back up when you really face a great challenge, but no matter what, just try it before you say you CANT! Who knows? starting a new journey may not be so hard, or it has already begun...

I don't care what they think about me, i just want to do something soared deep from my heart!! I will always try hard, as i have the passion not bounded by the materials

video

finally it was finish

tedious Inpro

inpro is the intec inter programs sport day, which sounds super unrelated to me. Ya, as a study nerd, i think study room should be my sanctuary, but not the stadium. However, things started to change and become "complicated" after i studied in Taylors'. It was taylor who discovered my inner wildness in dancing, or should i say the enthusiasm in performing on the stage, or down the stage. it is cool and fun to be under the spotlight and the focus of everyone. Hehe... ...

those who knew me since high school have a perception that i am a real nerd just hiding beneath the rock filling my time for studying. Seriously, after the mms which is the orientation week in INtec, my image has changed from a super introvert nerd to a not so nerdy extrovert geek. i kinda welcome this change. People need to evolve and undergo metharmophosis everytime, now and then. If not you will become old and stale.

2 weeks of hard work, putting all of our passion into the dance performance for the closing ceremony. Beat it, the rhythmic beat still lies within my heart now. Eventhough it was not a competition, it was a pure entertainment for the VIP only, i want to show them my enthusiasm and my passion towards dancing. Eventhough i am not good at dancing as compared with others, whenever the beat started its beats, i want to show the audience the best that i have, the energy that i wana burst deep inside my heart and the passion that i release whenever i start moving my body parts with the music, hoping that they will be touched with every effort that i put in.

Although i did not have any direct involvement in Inpro, nor did i have any contribution towards the winning of ADFP- i feel like i share the same body with others in ATUSA. (American Top University Student Association). The moment we shouted and shrieked together in unity, celebrating out third success! I am so proud of myself as being in American Program. We do share a lot of fun doing assignments together... ... ... ...

There are many worlds, but they share the same sky- one sky, one destiny

It's all about the passion that you have in the game, win or lose doesn't matter.

It doesn't mean anything... ... ok, may be it does mean something, but it doesn't mean everything!!! !!! Bear that in mind!!

Studying in INtec actually gives me a chance to rediscover myself and start thinking about who i really am. I will soon find out who i really was, who i really am, who i am going to be.

"aim to become who you are capable of becoming!" A line i will remember forever as long as my dream lives in my heart.

we are all just ordinary, but there is always something that differentiate who we are

these two days i was joining the ivy league workshop. It was just as tedious as i had thought. Ya, sitting the whole 8 hours inside taylors. But, fortunately, i did manage to learn something from the workshop. It was indeed quite inspirational, more than i had expected. There are some seniors and alumni who i felt interesting and amazing.

Ah, brain is blurred with sleepiness... ... cnt put my mind straight... ...

The most important lesson that i had learnt since yesterday, is that most of the people are same as me. They are born as normal people, throughout their 18 years they might just end up doing normal stuff, same as me. I have been thinking thoroughly about me myself, who am i? Why am i? How am i? What am i? There are all those bad memories flashing through my mind like a ping pong ball bouncing on the floor. Most of the memories in my high school year were quite bad.

They suggested that i review through my photoes. over and over to search for my inspiration. Somehow i don't have many photos about my life! Not because i don't have a life, is because that time i was quite obese and i don't dare to show myself off! ( ya, btw, i manage to slim down by 20kg! what a miracle~!)

i really want to be in the ivies. Eventhough i am not good at anything particularly or specifically. I am not always the best.

There are many worlds, but we share the same sky; one sky, one destiny
And the sky is never the limit by the time i am in IVY, it is beyond the limit!

And i think, i should always beyond the ordinary, beyond the limitations... ...
i am still discovering about it... ... ya... ... i believe i can, dream big, is always the belief a dreamer holds on

i felt that i am so ... ... ordinary

today is the first day of the ivy league talk, which, btw is held in Taylor's, woo hoo!! can enjoy all those luxurious again. did i ever mention that i love being in taylor, not because of its fanscinating facilities, but because of the vast enjoyments around taylor's. I am not sure when will get the next chance to have a dinner of chinese cruisine throughout my life as a student in intec.

Don't keep digressed. however, the lesson that i learnt from the talk is actually "i got lots of things to do now!" i am too normal, too ordinary, too not good enough to be in the ivy list, or even in the list of ivy league standard. this is how bad my situation is.

Ya, pretty annoyed. especially when all the best gather at the best area. you really do feel that you are like a small fish in a big pond. small fishy fishy

In order to apply into ivy league, it is actually quite a challenge for me. Sometimes i DO jealous of those who choose pharmacy (eventhough their strength is in physics but not bio). To USA, you really need to show your best to everyone, there is no play play fooling around.

I really need to think about some questions about me myself. WHo am I?? Why am i applying their university? Why do they need to bother about my application?

All i can say, i am very ordinary, but i believe i am beyond ordinary, i definitely got something special about me myself, except the fact that i am a 16A1. I need to discover myself thoroughly, very comprehensively, indeed.

i am so small, i am so ordinary... ...

but there is always hope, and those who shine as the most brilliant star, always originate from ordinary people. they are also normal human being, same as me.

So, i think i can do it! I can find out who am I! It is just a matter of time only!