third day in sibu

it has been like weeks already since last time i blogged about myself, not until that i realized that many of my friends started blogging also. This was all because their English teacher asked them to blog, ya, excuse excuse excuse. What i think is that they just want to know more about themselves via blogs, which is totally fine by me. infact i like to blog, not just showing my photos and sharing them with my friends, although there are not many people know that i own this blog for a very long time already.

Why i like blogging, and typing out all my life inside this e- jurnal? As a personal record? As a brag to show off myself? No. All i want to do is to write out my inner feelings about me myself, about what i am thinking now, about what i had done before and about anything that is related to me. Through writing i want to know who am i really, eventhough i am not good at writing, i am not good at expressing myself. Indeed, there aren't many people who know much about themselves. Life is like an ocean; as the voyage starts exploring the ocean, the more the journey that have been through, the more we discover how obscure and how profound the ocean can be. But, as the end becomes nearer, we will realize that the journey isn't as hard as we thought. Life is equivalent to the sea, sometimes we might feel intimidated by the journey that we are going to take, but who knows, starting a new journey may not be so hard, or it may already begun. Even the mighty sea has its limit, but the potential of human has no boundaries.

Today is my third day in Sibu which, after revisiting my own high school, SMK Tung Hua, i found myself totally tired and stressed. Sometimes i wonder why i need to waste so much time in doing my application? Why everyone can spend their times playing games that they like and going out with their friends to enjoy their life? Why i must suffer like this? What if i fail in getting into the ivy league? Just like when i fail in getting the post that i want? Oh God! Sometimes i felt so discouraged and daunted. I hate myself, why i always can't get something that i had put in so much effort and passion? Is it that i am not good at something? Am i goint to live as a failure in my life? What is the point to do something that we know it is going to fail with so much passion and effort? is it worth it?

Sometimes i really jealous of those athletes who keep winning in their games. I am just an ordinary boy living under other's shadow. Without the 16A1, i am nothing but just ordinary boy.

Why am i tired? Because i need to return to school in order to finish preparing my dossier which is all the documents that are required for the application for the universities in US. So many failures and hindrance. I really want to give up, especially when my support pillars since i am in form 5 had disappeared as his role.

Sometimes fighting something that is totally obscure for an ordinary people is tough and difficult, especially when you got no partners fighting alongside with you.

i felt quite disappointed when i lost the post as the head of bureau of activities. As this is something that i really put in a lot of effort and passion inside it. I scared of losing, i scared of keep losing to someone. As throughout all my life, i always lost. I lost in competiton, i lost in election, i lost in friendship and i lost in academic... ...

third day in Sibu, still haven't done anything meaningful, unless you count watching 我猜我猜 and onepiece as meaningful activities, then i am in great success. i plan to do 2 SAT practice test in one day, but finding it to be total disastrous, how can somebody manage to do such a soporific thing everyday? Haizzz i try i try

I always like that, i try my very best. what if my best isn't goood enough in other's standard? the result is simple, failure... ...

Passion is very important, it keeps something burning in the downpour despite that something is not meant for burning in the first place.

Hope that the forthday in sibu, i had great improvement in my time management.