Here i am, totally fatigue and tired, with a little bit of confusion within my heart. Deep inside my heart, i want to enjoy my life here, staying and loafing with my friends here. However, i am eager to try out Ivy league, chase my greatest dream of all! Getting myself into one of the best university is always my dream. I want to indulge myself into scientific research, playing with all those instruments and accessories. I want to crazy around (gaga) the campus, taking photographs and viewing all those aesthetic arts like Charis. I want to break my record, or to put it in other words, i want to beat myself and reach another peak of my life? yeaaahhh. These few weeks i have been trying out lots of fresh activities which i had never tried out before. It was such a refreshing experience, having lots of friends around doing the same thing with you while enjoying such a high popularity.
The only main thing is they don't know my tragic past, a confounding and shattered past memories which i shall never link it out together.
When i walk straight ahead, i am scared to look back. I don't want to face it. It was like darkness scraping my inner innocent, pushing myself to the scariest abyss which i can't escape. All i can do now is take my past as an invaluable experience for me to grow and nurture for my journey to ivies.
Strange and odd, i have a different image in INTEC. In Taylor's, i am treated as super genius, super prodigy that is gifted with so many talents and thinking abilities. Here, i am different again. I have a unique role, a role which is always fooling around with crazy ideas and unrealistic opinions. I feel like i want to be different and unique with the other scholars. They are all so serious and hardworking, which i regard as nerdy attitude, in their study. They like to stick themselves to the books and books. Seriously, just text books! Nevertheless, i found that they lack something, just a bit something- they lack the ability to think out of the box, the ability to think beyond the forbidden line, a line which normal student dare not to overcross it.
I always want to stand out; i think it could be referred as my egocentric. It feels good to stand out, and be who you are. I am pondering with a very deep question asked by others, " why do you need to do extra? Why you put so many works on something that might turn out to be worthless and valueless? Ya, back to my oldie topic of my blog- passion and dream. (such a hackneyed platitude already). I want others to see that there is something called passion which is still exist in our daily life. Everyday many of the scholars have been blindfolded and become bold by the fact that they take their scholarship as granted. They do not put in their best effort in their "gameplay" (i would like to deem our assignments and exam as games. Just notice them carefully and you will notice that these two things don't really show much differences between them). They have forgotten that the final success is to be the best of you, not just so so. I want to be the best, do all the best that i can do, disregard any possible outcome that might lead to. I want to fully enjoy my works, my fruitful result after my efforts that i had paid off. All i can see through my works and my extra effort that i put in is i am improving.
I am improving, not only in my study, but in my everyday's doing. My speaking abilities, my writing abilities, my articulating abilities, my thinking abilities- they are all improved, i can sense it. The flowing of my idea is endless after lots of intensive practice of critical thinking. My critical thinking, the way of my thinking, is changing so volatile that i myself am scared about the changing of my thought at such speed. I am quite amazed by my improvement.
4 months change lots of things around me. My relationship between my friends, my classmates and my lecturers. I am not sure how my lecturers are going to think about me after my gaga show in my OC campaign project. I am not sure how my ethic lecturer is going to think about my presentation today. Haha. May be i can do better? Or may be they were shocked by my weird thoughts and random thinkings? Many of my classmates have regard me as weird and odd. So? What i had learnt through my campaign is be gaga! Don't care about any bullshit talking from them. Just be yourself. Yea, you can take their opinion into consideration, but what i believe in is the confidence towards your own thinking plays a much prominent role than your consideration towards other opinion. Yea, i am weak in my SAT, i am relatively weak in my speaking as compared to the others. I am less calm and tranquil as compared to others. However, i have faith and confidence in my strongest point- my odd and weird thoughts that i dare to express out, the act that many other prolific figures had done which change the world so dramatically that we can do nothing but be amazed by our used-to-be stubbornness.
Where am i now? Digression is always my incorrigible mistake in my blog, in my assignment and in my lifetime. After my SAT, i went shopping with my classmates, including some of my very close friends since primary school, including Lawrance and Andrew. Lawrance, Ang and I ended up having ice skating after our G-force 3D experience(seriously, that is a lot of money). Ya, Law and I ice-skated since 6pm until 10pm. We fall down together, we stood up together and continue circling around the ice rink. He was so hilarious and Lazei ( lazei means like to show off while you know nothing about a particular field in foochow, a language so abstruse that i can never understand eventhough it is my root language.) by showing off that he can jump while ice-skating. As a result, he fell down right with his butt. That was so funny! He stood up with his bare hand without any help of mine while his two legs were cramped. 3 seconds later, he was revived and started ice skating like an amateur again. I was amazed by his determination, his perseverance in ice-skating. I am the one who laughed at him when he first ice-skating in such an awkward way, but now my inner pride was despised as i gave up ice-skating after 3 hours of strenuous works on the ice-rink. He was tired, but he did not give up in ice-skating, rather he kept skate and skate and skate until the very last minute when the rink was closed and the final session ended.
Passion sometimes can drive many people into crazy, doing something that one shall never expect. It is a lesson that Huat should at least learn- a lesson which he can never find in the book.
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